


Meeting Anxiety

by YouveGotAFiendInMe



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fanfic, Fanfiction, Logan is doing his best, M/M, Platonic LAMP - Freeform, Sanders Sides - Freeform, So basically, if virgil was me, patton is being the best dad, roman is being an ass, this entire premise depends on virgil being unwilling to handle conflict, virgil is just a ball of pure love and fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-02-21 16:27:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18706018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouveGotAFiendInMe/pseuds/YouveGotAFiendInMe
Summary: Virgil unknowingly helps Thomas out





	1. Becoming Anxiety

Anxiety. Fear. Terror. Survival. Wait-no. Virgil scrunched his face up as he continued to toss a stress ball into the air, only to catch it as it descended. He was doing it wrong. Deceit had told him to help further solidify his place in Thomas’s mind he had to create an identity. Something to lean on. Something Thomas had to listen to.

He sat up in his bed with a huff of annoyance as his bangs covered his face, and he dragged a hand through the messy caramel locks. He had to solidify himself as an aspect, and to do that, he had to be sure of himself. He had to solidify himself as a dark side, and to do that, he couldn’t be considered such a positive aspect as “survival”. So that left one question. What was he?

Who was he?

He was Virgil. Always dressed in sweat pants and an over-sized lavender colored sweater. He particularly liked the style and found it extremely comfortable as opposed to times he’d worn other things. While Deceit and Roman had practically crafted costumes for themselves, and with Logan and Patton dressing a bit too professionally for his tastes, Virgil figured he may as well have his own thing, so he’d settled for the sweats with the hole in the knee from where he’d torn the threads out during nervous thinking. The pants had some acrylic paint on them that refused to fade, but Virgil thought it gave them a bit more charm.

Virgil pondered a bit. He could be a light side. Besides, there were only three of them, and if he was a light side, he could be survival. He could be an alarm, a trigger for Thomas to stay safe. But the light sides didn’t interact with the dark ones too often, and he happened to like being around Deceit. He was the only person that made an effort to talk to him or make sure he was okay, and to lose that…

Virgil figured he was as close as he’d get to an identity for that day and hopped from his bed to head out to the neutral space in Thomas’s mind that all the sides could visit. That was, all the light sides. For some reason, Deceit and the other more sinister aspects of Thomas’s personality couldn’t spend much time among the dizzying and vivid colors, as their own neutral space was completely shrouded in darkness save for a single dim light.

Virgil liked the dark, but he also loved the light. It was warm where the light sides resided, and if there was one thing he hated, it was the cold. He figured since he could inhabit both the dark and light spaces without growing ill, he may as well.

With a hand on the doorknob, he visualized the light mind space and when he twisted the knob and pulled, he was greeted by the smell of fresh air. The windows were open, Virgil realized with a grin, and he stepped into the hallway and stifled a yawn. He always got tired when he visited the light space, mostly because the calming atmosphere was like a warm blanket wrapped around him securely, easing away any fear or stress.

Virgil descended down the stairs, only to stop as he heard the others talking. Cool, they were around. They could hang out, maybe he’d tell them his name, and hell, maybe they’d invite him to stay for a while. He was no Deceit, so why wouldn’t they be warm and welcoming? All he had to do was walk around the corner and say-

“What I’m saying is Anxiety is a pain. All he does is sulk in those ratty pajamas and make Thomas miserable!” Virgil knew that voice. It was almost always dramatically reciting Shakespeare or poking fun at Logan, but no doubt it was directed at Virgil, who still hid behind the stairway.

“He maybe difficult, but Thomas is by no means miserable, rather, he’s inconvenienced.” Another voice, Logan’s this time, came from the kitchen.

Virgil’s heart squeezed painfully against his ribs. This is what they thought of him? That he wanted to make Thomas anxious? That it was a choice and he did it… For what? Some sick and twisted form of amusement?

“Hey, lets not be mean.” Patton said in his stern “Dad” tone, “Now, Anxiety may cause… Some tiny blips, but he’s a good kiddo.”

Virgil’s heartbeat slowed. See? Patton would defend him, and the others would understand and they could all laugh about it someday.

“He’s nothing but a stick in the mud who likes to drag others down with him!” Roman’s voice grew louder as he spoke, “He doesn’t do anything beneficial for Thomas, and we’d all be better off without him!”

Virgil’s stomach dropped and he pressed a hand over his mouth to silence the sobs that racked through his body. Tears fell and splashed his hand, but he refused to move it, to risk them hearing him. They had never even made an effort to get to know him, and this was what they thought the sum of his character was? Some sadist that tortured Thomas for the laughs?

“Who does he think he is?!” Roman continued, “He sits around all day looking like a ratty couch potato and then he has the nerve to screw things up for us while he does nothing but sit around!”

There came the sound of someone’s fist hitting the counter, and for the first time, Patton raised his voice, “Roman!”

The room fell into a dead silence, and Logan cleared his throat, “This is a sensitive topic. Lets not discuss it further.”

Virgil didn’t want to hear anymore and ran back to his room. He didn’t care if they heard him, he opened the door and threw himself inside, locking it as he closed it behind himself.

Virgil wasn’t another side to them, he was a villain in their eyes. He had to swallow back bile as he dug through his dresser drawers in search of something else to wear when he stopped.

The black jacket. The one Deceit had given him. It was unworn and smelled of must, but Virgil hugged it close and inhaled the scent of it. If they wanted a villain, that’s what they’d get. He wordlessly shrugged from his sweater and sweatpants and tugged on a plain black shirt, skinny jeans, then he finished it off with the jacket.

He wiped the last of his tears with his sleeve then took in a deep breath. Once he knew he’d calmed enough, he continued to dig in his drawers. He found the makeup he’d used once and with a sigh applied copious amounts of foundation and concealer. It was paler than he actually was, but it gave him a more ghastly, unsettling appearance. It still looked incomplete. Too plain.

He found the darkest eyeshadow in the pan and concentrated on creating messy circles under his eyes. Once finished, he stepped back and admired his new look in the mirror.

He looked.. Kind of scary, actually. Not scary like Deceit and his scaled face, but Virgil looked less like a kid, and dare he say, more like a dark side. He hated it. He wanted nothing more but to scrub his face clean and return to the comfort of his old style, but if the light sides wouldn’t accept him, he’d make sure the dark sides did. He blew out a slow, steady breath then went back to his door, this time conjuring the mind space that the dark sides occupied. He opened the door and familiar faces looked up at him, but only one of the sides stood and approached, yellow eye gleaming in the darkness.

“Long time no see, Virgil.” Deceit purred as he assessed Virgil’s appearance, “Nice change in look, it fits you.”

Virgil set his jaw, hands shoved into his pockets as he slouched with a shrug, “I figured it out. I know who I am.”

Deceit’s eyes lit up in glee, “And who is that, Virgil?”

Virgil narrowed his eyes into a glare and looked into Deceit’s eyes with the nastiest scowl he could muster, “I’m Anxiety.”


	2. Being Anxiety Can Sometimes Be Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil unknowingly helps Thomas out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta by https://echo-of-words.tumblr.com/

Years passed since the day Virgil had solidified himself as a dark side, and while he couldn’t say he had become even the slightest bit less uncomfortable around the other dark sides, he was glad at the very least that they didn’t hate him the way the light sides did-well, _the_ light side.

Prince Roman, and his boyish grin, and his boastful nature. Roman had been the main reason he had distanced himself in the first place, and he had no intentions of ever trying to get homey with the creative side. He knew his place well enough, and even though he wasn’t happy to be where he was, it was better than other options, and so he focused on the good.

That was kind of hard to do when he was in the mind space that the dark sides occupied, he found himself thinking, as one of the dark sides began sniffing at his hair. He wordlessly kicked the dark aspect and bared his teeth, hissing lowly in the back of his throat much like a cat would. All of the dark sides had at least one animal aspect about them, and while Virgil hadn’t developed one, the hiss made the others assume he was at least part cat, much to his amusement.

The hiss also seemed to scare off any sides that were getting too close or touchy, and for that, Virgil was grateful, but he soon realized that he’d begun hissing for various reasons, including annoyance, frustration, anger, and even fear.

Virgil felt the familiar tug of Thomas developing anxiety, and he silently stood to head back to his room, not bothering to tell the other dark sides where he was going as they already knew. He stepped into his room then appeared in the main area of the mind palace, surveying what was going on, since he knew it was likely the other aspects had showed up as well, and he wasn't going to let himself be caught off guard, not even for a second.

Roman was there, as always, and Virgil noticed all too suddenly that Roman had tears streaming down his face as he trembled, and Thomas was in much the same condition.

Virgil's mouth turned downward. What was going on? Why was he here and not Patton or Logan? Was Thomas having a mental breakdown? Why on earth was this happening? Had someone gotten hurt? Had someone _died_?

Virgil realized quickly that whatever had taken hold on Thomas and Roman had begun to get to him, the familiar icy vice of a panic attack gripping him, and he gritted his teeth and blinked back tears, sneering down his nose at both Roman and Thomas.

"Couldn't get the others?" he asked, both surprised and impressed that his voice didn't waver when he spoke.

"I need-I can't-Patton-locked in his room." Roman hiccupped, choking on sobs, face red and blotchy from crying.

"What _happened_?" Virgil snarled.

"Breakup." was all Thomas managed to choke out before bursting into another fit of tears.

Virgil shut his eyes, took a calming breath, then, despite Roman's weak protests, he moved to where Roman and Thomas sat together on the couch, and plopped down a few feet from them, his stance relaxed, the exact opposite of what he was.

"Got any plans for this weekend? Wanna visit your mom?" Virgil asked, inspecting his nails as he forcibly calmed his breathing and heartbeat, noting that it seemed to help both Roman and Thomas, who had stopped sobbing.

The nod Thomas gave in answer was all Virgil needed, not that he'd actually cared if Thomas had answered, it was more to distract from how badly things were going.

"Could always invite Joan and Talyn over to play video games, not that you'd _win_ ," Virgil added in, knowing to keep up his persona of being uncaring and cold that he'd need to insult Thomas a little, but he was far gentler than he usually was. "Joan beat you so badly last time that I think Roman still hasn't forgiven them."

Soft giggles from both Thomas and Roman made the uncomfortable feeling of tightness in Virgil's chest ease, and once Thomas had begun to nap peacefully, he conjured a comic book and tossed it at Roman, hitting him in the chest with it, "Here. Read this, it's full of the stuff you like. Unicorns, sunshine, rainbows, enough to make me vomit."

"... Where did you get this from?" Roman inquired suddenly, a brow raised in surprise.

"Your brother thought it would be funny to get me a gag gift. It's one of the milder ones he's given me, rest assured." Virgil stood, and stretched with a yawn, his back cracking some. He made a face and returned to slouching, since it was what was most comfortable, first off, and second, because if he stood straight, he was taller than all of the other sides, meaning more attention would be on him, which he hated.

"Oh. Thank you." Roman replied softly, fingers brushing against the glossy paper of the comic book before he began flipping through the pages, eyes lighting up at the illustrations.

"Don't mention it. _Seriously_. I'll strangle you if you do."

Virgil shut his eyes and sunk out, opening his eyes to the familiarity of his room, and he peeled his jacket off, throwing it aside before flopping onto his bed with all the grace of a newborn gazelle, not that he cared. He stared at the ceiling, and the corner of his mouth twitched upward into a smile, remembering how he'd gotten that comic book for Roman years before, back when he'd thought he could be a light side, back when he thought he could be good, back when he thought he could ever belong with them.

Virgil told himself the tear that streamed down his cheek was an allergic reaction to the dust that had settled in the corners of his room. But deep down, he knew that tear war for him. For the person he used to be, and all the hopes of being a light side being shattered in his grip, the only evidence of their existence being the pain deep inside Virgil's chest that now only served to remind him exactly why he was never going to try to be good ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	3. The Time Virgil Broke His Hand

“Remus!” Deceit screeched, dashing after the Duke with his fists clenched, “You buffoon, give me my cape back!”

Remus jumped onto the countertop in the kitchen of the dark mind space, winking slyly at Virgil, “Wanna play catch, emo?” he taunted, and Virgil shied back somewhat from the Duke.

“No.” Virgil said simply, and he returned to toying with the fidget toy Deceit had given him earlier that morning.

His vision was blocked out as fabric landed on his head, and he hissed loudly, batting at the cape Remus had thrown on him. Remus always did this, always dragged Virgil into the middle of things, and it ended with Virgil having an anxiety attack. Today of all days, one where Thomas was already on edge, was not a good time for Remus to start back on his bullshit.

“ _Duke_!” Deceit snarled, voice deadly calm now, “Virgil said he didn’t want to be involved. Leave him be.”

Remus whined, then jumped down from the countertop, plucking Deceit’s cape from the top of Virgil’s head, “Oh, come on. I wasn’t being mean.”

Virgil wiped at his face in an attempt to hide that he was crying, and instead bared his teeth and hissed at Remus, “Touch me again and I’ll bite you.”

Remus tossed Deceit’s cape at the lying side, then slung an arm around Virgil’s shoulders, “Ooh, please _do_ , emo. Want me to rip my eye out so you can chew on it like a piece of bubble gum?”

Virgil clenched his hands into fists, then pulled away far enough to get leverage before he swung and punched Remus square in the jaw. The resounding crack left Virgil satisfied, even though his knuckles throbbed, and he stepped away from Remus. Remus took it in stride, cracking his broken jaw back into place before he opened and shut his mouth several times to test that it was properly functioning.

“Good swing, slugger.” Deceit murmured, impressed.

Remus rubbed his jaw with a soft snicker, “Damn, Virgil, you managed to break it.”

Virgil refused to look at Remus, and after a moment, Deceit spoke again, “Remus, give us some space.”

When Virgil looked up again, Remus was gone, and he whimpered in discomfort as his hand was taken into Deceit’s gloved one. Upon closer examination, he’d broken his knuckles when he’d punched Remus, and while Remus and Deceit were both well practiced in changing themselves to fix any injuries they might receive, Virgil had no control over his own abilities, which meant he had to heal the old fashioned way.

“Sit on the counter, sweetheart.” Deceit told Virgil, “I’ll wrap your hand and get you some ice for it.”

Virgil obeyed and jumped onto the countertop, chewing on the thumb nail of his uninjured hand. Deceit conjured an ice pack and a first aid kit, then took out the support bandage. With careful concentration, Deceit wrapped Virgil’s broken hand, wincing in sympathy as Virgil would whimper from pain, and once he’d finished wrapping Virgil’s hand, he placed the ice pack over Virgil’s bandaged hand.

“I hate him. He’s loud and gross.” Virgil grumbled.

Deceit vanished the first aid kit he’d conjured with a wave of his hand before he leaned some against the counter next to Virgil, “Remus is… A lot. But at least it’s only him. If Roman were around, it would be twice as bad.”

Virgil snickered at the notion of both twins in the same room, “Roman is, if possible, louder than the Duke.”

“You’d know, what with Thomas’s constant anxiety.” Deceit teased, and after a moment, he snapped his fingers, turning the bandage on Virgil’s hand a vibrant purple, “There. A pop of color for you.”

“Purple?” Virgil asked, examining the bandage, “I haven’t worn purple in years.”

“Not since you first joined us.” Deceit agreed, “It’s been over a decade.”

“Well, Thomas’s anxiety peaked at twelve. I took on my role a year later.”

“The youngest of the sides.” Deceit teased, “You had only manifested a few years before then.”

“Hey, I’m only nine years younger than you and the others!” Virgil giggled.

Deceit reached up, cupping Virgil’s cheek in his hand, “There’s that winning smile.”

Virgil pressed his face further into Deceit’s hand as he shut his eyes, “God, you’re so cheesy.”

Deceit kissed Virgil once on the forehead, and Virgil knew he had to have been in a bad place, as Deceit usually reserved acts of affection for days when Virgil was at his worst.

Virgil was prepared to relax and enjoy the rest of the day, but then he felt that familiar tug, and he knew he was needed, “Dammit.”

Deceit pulled his hand away to wipe Virgil’s tears, free hand coming up with an eyeshadow brush packed with black pigment. Deceit fixed Virgil’s eyeshadow, then looked him over, eyes narrowed.

“Perfect. Don’t let the others see you worked up, or they’ll use it against you.”

Virgil set his face and nodded, “Got it.”

“The light sides won’t hurt you, not as long as you’ve got me behind you.” Deceit promised solemnly.

Virgil nodded, then stuck his tongue out at his friend, “I’ve got this, Dee. I’ll give them hell for ya.”

With that, Virgil appeared at his spot on the stairs, injured hand in his pocket with the ice pack.

“Oh, _great_.” Roman groaned, throwing his hands up in annoyance, “Now Anxiety is here!”

“This is entirely your fault, Roman. You’re the one who worked Thomas up.” Logan spoke calmly, then he peeked at Virgil, “Good afternoon, Anxiety.”

Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose, “This isn’t helping anything.”

“Now lets be civil, everyone.” Patton spoke softly, “Things are headed towards anger right now.”

“What mess did Roman make _this_ time?” Virgil taunted with a lazy grin. He loved this part, loved falling into the persona he’d established, loved being cocky and pissing the others off, and Roman’s reactions to him were _delicious_.

Roman glared, and if looks could kill, Virgil was sure he’d be dead on the spot, “I did nothing! The problem is _you_!”

“Roman.” Patton said firmly, “You’re not being very nice.”

“Can we just like. _Not_?” Thomas asked, dragging his hands down his face.

“The problem is that Thomas was invited to a friend’s birthday party. His ex will be there. He’s worrying about interaction seeing as this will be the first time they see one another since the breakup.” Logan explained calmly, ignoring how Roman released a pitiful whine.

“Don’t go. Stay home and cry. Problem solved.” Virgil scoffed, “You’re all being babies.”

“Well-” Patton began.

“Staying home and wallowing in self pity isn’t the answer, Anxiety.” Logan rolled his eyes, “Thomas will eventually come face to face with people who he has had bad experiences with. The logical thing to do would be to attend the party, be civil, and let Thomas enjoy himself the best he can.”

“And when Thomas runs into his ex, says something stupid, and looks like an idiot in front of everyone?” Virgil questioned.

“He won’t! He can find a hot date and flaunt a cute guy. He’ll show he’s moved on and can do better!” Roman said proudly, “We can _do_ this!”

“That would be wrong to use someone just to get back at Thomas’s ex.” Patton said softly, nervously picking at his cuticles.

“I don’t even _want_ to take a date! This is about Joan, not me!” Thomas exclaimed, “It’s _their_ day.”

“So stay home. We’ve been over this. Take Joan out to lunch and buy them an expensive gift to make up for it.” Virgil huffed in annoyance, “This isn’t rocket science.”

“Of course it isn’t rocket science. We’re discussing whether or not Thomas should attend a party.” Logan said, making a face of confusion, “What does _any_ of this have to do with space exploration?”

“We should go and be there for Joan. If we run into Thomas’s ex, we’ll be nice and avoid anything that might upset anyone.” Patton offered, “No using people, no missing out on being there for Joan, and no hurt feelings.”

“But then Thomas will look like a loser!” Roman whined.

“Well maybe Thomas _is_ a loser!” Virgil shot back.

Things devolved into yelling, and Virgil felt himself growing angry. Remus was obnoxious, sure, but at least he didn’t argue back. Remus was dumb and immature and he didn’t test Virgil the way his twin did, and Virgil felt his injured hand curl into a fist. He was prepared to break his other hand just to shut Roman up, but that’s when Logan yelled for the first time in all the times Virgil had been around the Light Sides.

“You all! Stop this! Look at what you’re doing to Thomas!” Logan spoke sharply.

Everyone looked over at Thomas, who was sitting on the couch and in tears.

“He’s in a sensitive mental state at the idea of being around his ex, and now you’re all arguing and getting nowhere with it. Have any of you considered what _Thomas_ wants? What matters isn’t what we want from tonight, it’s what Thomas wants.”

Patton whimpered audibly at seeing Thomas in such a state, and he walked over to the couch, sitting beside Thomas, “Kiddo?”

Thomas peeked up at his moral side, and Virgil felt a stab of regret at the state he and the others had put Thomas in.

“What do you want to do?” Patton asked softly.

“I want to be there for Joan, but. I also want to talk things out with him.” Thomas said softly.

Virgil’s stomach clenched painfully at the thought of confronting Thomas’s ex, and he had to force himself from bursting into tears on the spot. This wasn’t good, this was a bad idea that would end in further heartbreak, and it would leave Thomas miserable.

“Anxiety?” Logan asked softly.

Virgil looked over at the logical side, and the concern showing in his expression had Virgil close to just giving in and crying.

_Don’t let the others see you worked up, or they’ll use it against you._

Virgil swallowed hard, “You’ve all got this figured out.” he scoffed, “I’m out of here. Don’t bother me any more tonight.”

“Anxiety-” Logan began.

Before Logan could get another word in, Virgil sank out, appearing in his room before the dam broke and he sobbed helplessly. He held his knees to his chest, and for the first time in a long time, he had absolutely no clue where he really belonged.


End file.
